Happy with my direction

Louis — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 02:05:42 +0000

It has taken me quite a while to figure out exactly what I wanted to do for the foreseeable future. After moving to this city, I thought I figured out what I wanted to do for a career. It wasn’t until I got a reality check on how fickle the private sector can be during this recession that I really started to look at all of my options. In a way, this recession has been more than just an eye opener for me. It has allowed me to assess what’s important to me, and where I want to be in the next 5, 10, and 15 years from now.

So, as some of you may already know, I am currently waiting on my ship-date to bootcamp for the Air Force. I somehow managed to pull off a score 5 points away from perfect, and signed the papers to spend the next 4 years as an airman. I am extremely excited and can’t wait till leave.

As I was driving home from work on Thursday it occured to me… I’m happy with the direction my life is going. Without going into too much detail, what I hope to do in the Air Force will give me a choice in 4 years whether or not I want to continue in the Air Force, or work for the government doing what I did in the Air Force with a pretty good salary. I have more than just a plan for the near future, I have a plan for the rest of my life!

Short term? While I’m waiting to leave for bootcamp, I have returned to working fulltime with my current employer. I am really greatful that they are willing to work with me while I am waiting to leave. I am paid very well and much of the money I make until I leave will go directly into savings. Working full time will also help the time go by faster I hope.

Which leaves me with something I not only didn’t predict happening, but also am extremely greatful it did. Over these past few months, I reconnected with a friend. It was a bit funny because of all days, we began talking again on Valentine’s Day. Since then I have seen a side of her that previously was unknown to me. Whether it is about life, travel, music, and even the definition of what love should be, we share so much in common. I am enjoying getting to know her, and am looking forward to becoming even closer.

So as I look at how my life is at this very moment, although almost everything will be changing in the next few months, I am extremely happy with the direction I am finally going. It took a few years, and a few mis-steps and learning experiences along the way, I finally can say that I am heading in the right direction.

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Happy Valentine’s Day

Louis — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 05:45:16 +0000

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.

Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like “maybe we should be just friends”turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

“Rose Walker” in Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman #65

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